The derailed frail on the walking corpse left of me begs no question; I am as wasted baggage, chaff, equivocally condemned to my own hell, chocking in my own spit and drowning in my own sweat. I am a lost kitty, with tiny prickly sounds that are swallowed by the hoots and horns in a busy street. It is as though I lack spiritual and mental affluence to drive my thinking mechanism. I know I need to think, and fast for that matter but about what is what I seemingly fail to figure out. Judge me or not, the thorn is stuck to my flesh, the chili in my eyes and my fate left to the passing wind. I am on highway left to choose between chasing after the wind or sit and let it slap my face. I can move though motionless. I can dream though thoughtless. I can't eat though my stomach is full. And if I had a fairy tale wish, my first would be that I get the week's sleep I lacked.
This is the story of a hunter being the hunted. The story of the tutor failing the test, the reborn story of a fallen Goliath. Shoot me I say, if it will carry me from my misery. Unplug my heart from my chest and prove to me that it still exists. This is the perfect story of a fisherman tangled in his own net. The true forbisen of being the author of my own misfortunes. Could this be the ragnarok of my time? Could this be leading me to a solace mayhem, pain and shame? Did I just create a gallery of distress? So giants do fall? Someone actually said that the bigger they are the harder they fall. I must have been a big one. I must have conquered quite a lot to hit the ground this hard.
All I am left with is my dear wishful thinking. My encaphalon has been reduced to that of a chick in the hands of its prey. I seek mercy amidst profound judgement. I bear a cross that I needed not but have to carry alone. My pulse is uncontainable. At times it beats so fast I can hear it but not feel it. My ring back memories are wanting. Save for my mixed up thoughts, I cannot feel myself breath. I am like a slave looking forward to salvation. I am like an insect trapped in a glass, I see perceive it, I see it, I just cannot touch it. I am like a cockroach turned upside down, kicking and trying to turn, shouting to the top of my lungs but with not even a deaf ear to land on. It is like my light is getting dimmer by the second. I am like a rose flower inside a toilet. I am like a matchstick amidst dry grass with nothing to light me. I the warrior has been left with a broken shield, nothing to attack with. I have been left in a lonely street with no one to share my thoughts with. I have been left to the mercy of hungry dogs. I am like hay to a horse, like a servant to a boss. My head is green sick, sick and tired of being kicked around. It has been a few days but it bangs so loud in my head like eternity. Treat me I dare you. Heal me I pray to you. Mend me I ask of you. It seems like pushing a wall. It seems like trying to pull out my own neck. It is painful yet so true. I feel like a sailor in a sinking ship. I am like a slipper with no strap, nothing to hold onto. Like an iron box with no heat, like a balloon with no air. My world has come to an unprecedented stand still. My eyes are shut yet very wide open. My tongue is stuck out yet my mouth remains closed. My mind is blogging yet I have nothing to say. My ears are in pain from a screeching I cannot hear or see. I have a stomach that still cannot stomach all this. My legs are cold and dry, they cannot stand this. I thought I saw a way but I am now at crossroads. Can anyone hear me? Is anyone home? I'm I fighting a losing battle? I'm I still the same strong invincible one, the envy of the neighborhood and town? Show me a sign. It is good enough for now. Drop me a dime, let my eyes shine. Breath life into my lungs once again. Light a fire beneath my feet, let me walk on it. Let me feel again what it is to live again. Let me enjoy the the taste of free will again. Let me race back to the top once more. Give me a new beginning. Lead me through a new path. My knees wobble like jelly. My eyes on the telly. My belly grumbles. Is it gas? A curse? I have thrown my chances right under the bus. Now I feel like trash. My teeth now repeatedly hit each other, like a cow I now gnash.
It couldn't be worse. The very treasure I held dear to my heart is the same I let go. The very pulse of my heart is the one I took for granted. I want to be left alone now, alone to my misery. But this cup be so much for me. This loneliness is consuming me to the core. This desire to hold that special person close to me is overwhelming. The sweat dripping on my back is so hard. It pierces through my skin, to my spine to my backside, my thighs. The pressure rests under my feet and I am left with no option. The very girl that swept me off my feet is the very one I brought from her feet. It feels bad to know that someone's heart bleed because of me. That someone's mind is at utter unrest because of my actions. Help me, help her more. Turn her tears to joy, her sorrow into profound happiness. Create her first because my world is meaningless without her in it. Give me another chance not because I deserve it but because she deserves to be happy. U know it is her that my heart beats for. It is her lips that mine long for. It her touch that my skin craves for. Have you seen how she looks at me? How she smiles when she thinks of me? How deep down in her heart her love for me still exists. I cannot face her for sure. I am not bold enough to speak to her. None of my words could replace the disappointment in her face, but I know you are watching. Up from your enthroned seat down to her heart you still see. I bank on your promise today that you will never leave me or forsake me. I honestly do not know how to conclude this because I do not know how I started but please let her read this, even if not today, let her know that there came a time I made a mistake and regretted it. Let her know I am sorry. Let her know that I became stronger. Let her know that she is loved dearly. Thank You Lord
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